The Babylon Bee says…

Stick to this approved list of certified family-friendly horror films that are sure to scare any conservative Christian family. Have a safe and responsible Halloween! We mean Harvest!

Turn off the lights and put on one of these terrifying flicks:

1. That clip of Joe Biden talking to a ghost: The twist is that he was dead the whole time!


2. Any clip of Kamala Harris talking about a tragedy: Never have you heard diabolical laughter this diabolical.


3. The View: Six women talking about politics with no sensible men present to mansplain to them? A conservative’s worst nightmare. Whoever can withstand it the longest wins! But at what cost?


4. A Joel Osteen Sermon: You can almost smell the hellfire and sulfur burning as he speaks!


5. That She-Hulk twerking scene: You haven’t known horror until you witness CG twerking.


6. A Boston Children’s Gender Clinic informational video: Worse than any Saw film.


7. Televangelist reruns from the week leading up to Y2K: These will scar you for life. Hope you’re ready for the rapture!


8. Mark Zuckerberg’s Metaverse commercial: It’s like he’s human… but not quite. You can debate your theories for hours!


9. That Rings of Power slow-mo shot of Galadriel smiling creepily on a horse: (shudder)


10. Footage of Antifa riots: The braindead walk!

Watch all of them this season, if you dare!

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