Part 2: A Reptilian Retort

 Truefaith stood at the pulpit, his eyes blazing with righteous indignation, as he faced off against the obstreperous member of his flock, Brother Bartholomew.

 Truefaith: Brother Bartholomew, how dare you come into the house of the Lord and spew such vile accusations against me, a humble servant of God! Bartholomew: Oh spare me your sanctimonious spiel, Reverend. We all know what’s really going on here. You’ve been a spiritual masturbator for far too long, and now you’re trying to sublimate your bedroom fantasies into this ridiculous snake–handling charade.

Truefaith: Blasphemy! Such words are an affront to the Almighty Himself. And as for my so-called “bedroom fantasies,” I’ll have you know that my mind is pure and focused solely on the glory of God! Bartholomew: Oh, please. I’ve seen the way you handle those snakes. It’s like you’re trying to compensate for something. Truefaith: Enough! I will not stand here and listen to your baseless accusations any longer. If you have grievances, take them up with the Lord Himself.

 Bartholomew: Fine, let’s talk about the Lord then. How about that passage in Ezekiel where it says, “Thus says the Lord God: ‘Because you have clapped your hands and stamped your feet and rejoiced with all the malice within your soul against the land of Israel.'”

 Truefaith: Ah, but you see, Brother Bartholomew, you’re taking that passage out of context. The Lord was speaking to the wicked nations, not to His faithful servants like myself.

Bartholomew: And what about the snake–handling? Where in the Bible does it say anything about tempting fate with venomous serpents?

 Truefaith: Ah, but it does, my dear brother. Have you not read Mark 16:18? “They will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them.” It’s right there in black and white.

Bartholomew: That’s a stretch, Reverend, and you know it.

 Truefaith: Stretch or not, it’s the Word of God, and I will not apologize for following it faithfully.

 Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a sermon to finish. With that, Truefaith turned his back on Bartholomew, his faith unshaken, his resolve unwavering. For in the world of Reverend Ezekiel Truefaith, even the most venomous accusations could not pierce the armor of his conviction.